


Sail Her, Don't Sink Her

by drpenguini



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Gay, M/M, Straight guy worries he’s being homophobic to gay roommate, realizes he’s fallen in love with him au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-16
Updated: 2016-06-16
Packaged: 2018-07-15 12:37:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 2,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7222615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drpenguini/pseuds/drpenguini
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John comes out to Alex, except Alex doesn't know how to react. In fact he accidentally sounds a little homophobic. AU from tumblr.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Worthless Dregs We Are

**Author's Note:**

> AU: Straight guy worries he’s being homophobic to gay roommate, realizes he’s fallen in love with him. (from tumblr)  
> http://gay-ships-are-yay-ships-phan.tumblr.com/post/146031227618/corpidicarta-is-anyone-writing-an-au-yet
> 
> Song title from “Girl Sailor” by The Shins  
> Chapter 1 title from “Know Your Onion!” by The Shins  
> Chapter 2 title from “New Slang” by The Shins  
> Chapter 3 title from “Caring Is Creepy” by The Shins  
> Chapter 4 title from “It’s Only Life” by The Shins  
> Chapter 5 title from “Mine’s Not A High Horse” by The Shins  
> Chapter 6 title from “Sea Legs” by The Shins  
> Chapter 7 title from “Saint Simon” by The Shins  
> Chapter 8 title from “Know Your Onion!” by The Shins
> 
> Warning for mild homophobia, panic attacks, mentions violence and attempted rape. These occur throughout the whole fic, but are very mild with little description.

John is gay. Alex was just minding his own business, then John walked in and just dropped the bomb. Oh shit that sounded a little offensive, didn’t it.

The two had been friends since their freshmen year of college, and now they’ve graduated and have jobs and John is gay.

“I’m gay.” He stated, before Alex could even ask him about his day.

Alex was speechless. John stood in the doorway, as if he was looking for a reaction. Alex swallowed the lump in his throat.

“You’re not going to bring them into my room, right?” Alex asked, trying to make it a little humorous.

The humor must have not been evident to John based on his reaction, Alex could've sworn he muttered Jesus Christ, as he walked out of the room.

Alex facepalmed. He really wasn’t homophobic. He really wasn’t. Alex didn’t want to be a terrible roommate, but that seems to be how this was turning out.


	2. Gold Teeth And A Curse For This Town

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AU: Straight guy worries he’s being homophobic to gay roommate, realizes he’s fallen in love with him. (from tumblr)  
> http://gay-ships-are-yay-ships-phan.tumblr.com/post/146031227618/corpidicarta-is-anyone-writing-an-au-yet
> 
> Song title from “Girl Sailor” by The Shins  
> Chapter 1 title from “Know Your Onion!” by The Shins  
> Chapter 2 title from “New Slang” by The Shins  
> Chapter 3 title from “Caring Is Creepy” by The Shins  
> Chapter 4 title from “It’s Only Life” by The Shins  
> Chapter 5 title from “Mine’s Not A High Horse” by The Shins  
> Chapter 6 title from “Sea Legs” by The Shins  
> Chapter 7 title from “Saint Simon” by The Shins  
> Chapter 8 title from “Know Your Onion!” by The Shins
> 
> Warning for mild homophobia, panic attacks, mentions violence and attempted rape. These occur throughout the whole fic, but are very mild with little description.

For the next couple of weeks Alex and John grew distant. They still stayed roommates and everything, but barely talked and avoided spending time in the apartment in case the other might be there. Of course, they had to come home at night. That made Friday and Saturday nights the most painful.

For almost all of them, Alex had to witness John get ready for a date. He’s a real stud muffin with the men, Alex thought. Whenever John left the house for a new romantic endeavor, Alex felt a little pang in his heart. He didn’t know where this pang came from or why it happened. Maybe it was because Alex was lonely without spending bro-time with his friend. Yes. That was it. Bro-time, Alex concluded on the third weekend when John went out.

Except that fateful saturday night on Memorial Day weekend was the worst of all those nights since The Incident. All that afternoon had seemed gloomy outside, and Alex could feel a storm coming. Well, he couldn’t feel it, but he checked weather.com and a thunderstorm was on its way.

Alex hated storms, ever since the hurricane back on St. Croix that killed his mother. Fortunately for Alex, the storm wasn’t supposed to hit until midday Sunday. Unfortunately for him, John was out on a date again, and this time Alex couldn’t predict when John would be back. It seemed that John’s amorous ventures had progressed. Alex had noticed that John would now come back past midnight, not that he needed to know that Alex was staying up to make sure his roommate came back.

John had always helped Alex through his panic attacks during storms, but there hasn’t been a storm since before The Incident. Sure there has been rain, but not much, and all while Alex was asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! My tumblr is @gay-ships-are-yay-ships-phan  
> Tell me what you think!


	3. Building Nothing. Laying Bricks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AU: Straight guy worries he’s being homophobic to gay roommate, realizes he’s fallen in love with him. (from tumblr)  
> http://gay-ships-are-yay-ships-phan.tumblr.com/post/146031227618/corpidicarta-is-anyone-writing-an-au-yet
> 
> Song title from “Girl Sailor” by The Shins  
> Chapter 1 title from “Know Your Onion!” by The Shins  
> Chapter 2 title from “New Slang” by The Shins  
> Chapter 3 title from “Caring Is Creepy” by The Shins  
> Chapter 4 title from “It’s Only Life” by The Shins  
> Chapter 5 title from “Mine’s Not A High Horse” by The Shins  
> Chapter 6 title from “Sea Legs” by The Shins  
> Chapter 7 title from “Saint Simon” by The Shins  
> Chapter 8 title from “Know Your Onion!” by The Shins
> 
> Warning for mild homophobia, panic attacks, mentions violence and attempted rape. These occur throughout the whole fic, but are very mild with little description.

It was eleven thirty when John came home. Alex almost rushed out of his room to apologize to him, and tell him about the upcoming storm, then he heard John talking. Normally after John’s dates John was quiet, presumably thinking that Alex was asleep. It wasn’t like this time he was shouting about some other guy’s abs… Other guy? Wtf Alex. But instead like he was having friendly conversation with someone. No. Not friendly. Flirty. Romantic. Pre-sex conversation. Alex nearly groaned out loud at the realization of the foreplay occurring in his apartment between his roommate and some stranger.

Alex climbed into his bed and turned off his light. Why does it matter to me who my roommate was having sex with? Alex tossed and turned all night asking himself that question until he finally drifted off past three.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! You know the drill.  
> @gay-ships-are-yay-ships-phan


	4. Time Will Wash Every Tower To The Sea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AU: Straight guy worries he’s being homophobic to gay roommate, realizes he’s fallen in love with him. (from tumblr)  
> http://gay-ships-are-yay-ships-phan.tumblr.com/post/146031227618/corpidicarta-is-anyone-writing-an-au-yet
> 
> Song title from “Girl Sailor” by The Shins  
> Chapter 1 title from “Know Your Onion!” by The Shins  
> Chapter 2 title from “New Slang” by The Shins  
> Chapter 3 title from “Caring Is Creepy” by The Shins  
> Chapter 4 title from “It’s Only Life” by The Shins  
> Chapter 5 title from “Mine’s Not A High Horse” by The Shins  
> Chapter 6 title from “Sea Legs” by The Shins  
> Chapter 7 title from “Saint Simon” by The Shins  
> Chapter 8 title from “Know Your Onion!” by The Shins
> 
> Warning for mild homophobia, panic attacks, mentions violence and attempted rape. These occur throughout the whole fic, but are very mild with little description.

Alex woke at ten thirty to the sound of shouting. He slowly got out of bed and started to leave his room.

Just as Alex entered the hallway, he heard the door to the apartment slam shut. Alex walked into the kitchen to see John in only turtle pajama bottoms, looking exasperated near the stove. He was scrambling eggs.

“Everything okay?” Alex questioned, peeking around the corner. John’s head perked up, but then seemed to remember the lack of dialogue over the past month and looked back down into his eggs.

“You don’t really want to know.” John replied, almost sneering.

John looked up from his eggs briefly to see Alex looking like a kicked puppy.

“I really do.” Alex replied, sitting down at the island.

John turned the stove flame off and rested his head on his hands on the counter, across from Alex.

“I went on a whole bunch of dates with this guy. He seemed really nice so I took him back here last night. I decided I didn’t want to have sex, but at that point all the subways were already closed so I told him he could sleep on the couch. At the time he seemed okay with it but this morning he got really angry and tried to… so I shouted at him to leave and I guess he realized that someone might hear and call the police so he left.”

“Oh” was all that Alex could muster.

John turned around to the stove. “I knew you didn’t care.” He commented gruffly, scooping half of the eggs onto a plate and walked to his room.

“Wait” Alex called out but not until after the door to John’s room had closed and not loudly enough for him to hear anyways.

Alex buried his head in his hands and started to cry and he didn’t know why.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! @gay-ships-are-yay-ships-phan


	5. Chapter 5: No One Is Wise Enough To Turn The Ancient Boat Around

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AU: Straight guy worries he’s being homophobic to gay roommate, realizes he’s fallen in love with him. (from tumblr)  
> http://gay-ships-are-yay-ships-phan.tumblr.com/post/146031227618/corpidicarta-is-anyone-writing-an-au-yet
> 
> Song title from “Girl Sailor” by The Shins  
> Chapter 1 title from “Know Your Onion!” by The Shins  
> Chapter 2 title from “New Slang” by The Shins  
> Chapter 3 title from “Caring Is Creepy” by The Shins  
> Chapter 4 title from “It’s Only Life” by The Shins  
> Chapter 5 title from “Mine’s Not A High Horse” by The Shins  
> Chapter 6 title from “Sea Legs” by The Shins  
> Chapter 7 title from “Saint Simon” by The Shins  
> Chapter 8 title from “Know Your Onion!” by The Shins
> 
> Warning for mild homophobia, panic attacks, mentions violence and attempted rape. These occur throughout the whole fic, but are very mild with little description.

Alex didn’t see John outside of his room for quite a while. At around noon Alex got up from his stool at the counter and went to his room. He laid on the bed a while, listening to The Shins on his phone.

At around two he heard a loud boom over his headphones. Alex sat up to see rain pouring down the window on the far wall of his room. Alex started to have trouble breathing. He couldn’t breathe normally. He tried to turn up his music, it was mellow sounding, but he couldn’t block out the thunder and the rain. It just seemed to get louder with the music.

Alex lay on his bed for a couple of minutes, hyperventilating until his door burst open. John ran in and jumped onto the bed next to Alex, this time wearing a shirt. Goddammit! Thought Alex, though he wasn’t sure why he cared. Of course his roommates presence only distracted him for a few seconds until he got reminded of the rain again when John carefully pulled the earbuds out of Alex’s ears. Alex started to groan, when John reminded him that the music wasn’t going to make it better. They had been over this before.

Alex had curled himself into a ball, just as he had many storms in the past. John wrapped his arms around the ball shaped position of his roommate. In that moment both seemed to forget the awkwardness that had settled itself into their routine. Alex’s mind was focused on the storm and John’s mind was focused on distracting Alex from the storm. After a little while Alex’s breathing calmed, but the two stayed in that position. They both fell asleep before four.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! @gay-ships-are-yay-ships-phan


	6. Under Fuller Light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AU: Straight guy worries he’s being homophobic to gay roommate, realizes he’s fallen in love with him. (from tumblr)  
> http://gay-ships-are-yay-ships-phan.tumblr.com/post/146031227618/corpidicarta-is-anyone-writing-an-au-yet
> 
> Song title from “Girl Sailor” by The Shins  
> Chapter 1 title from “Know Your Onion!” by The Shins  
> Chapter 2 title from “New Slang” by The Shins  
> Chapter 3 title from “Caring Is Creepy” by The Shins  
> Chapter 4 title from “It’s Only Life” by The Shins  
> Chapter 5 title from “Mine’s Not A High Horse” by The Shins  
> Chapter 6 title from “Sea Legs” by The Shins  
> Chapter 7 title from “Saint Simon” by The Shins  
> Chapter 8 title from “Know Your Onion!” by The Shins
> 
> Warning for mild homophobia, panic attacks, mentions violence and attempted rape. These occur throughout the whole fic, but are very mild with little description.

hat evening, Alex dreamed. 

Alex dreamed of a bright sunny sky over a sprawling field. He was there with John. They had a picnic with sandwiches and John was trying to catch grapes in his mouth that Alex threw at him. John had his curly hair pulled back into a bun and was wearing a blue tee shirt and plaid shorts. And his freckles. Only until that dream did Alex realize how great John’s freckles are. Alex was wearing a pink strapless dress for some reason too. But that part doesn’t matter.

Alex dreamed of John holding onto his waist at the front of a ship. It felt like he was flying.

Alex dreamed of John breaking into his wedding, stopping the priest from performing the ceremony between Alex and some douche. John kissing him and them both… turning into ogres. Okay that one was a little weird.

That evening Alex dreamed of him and John together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! @gay-ships-are-yay-ships-phan  
> The references in this chapter were from High School Musical 2, Titanic, and Shrek. Because those are the most grownup cinematic masterpieces.


	7. As I Step Into The Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AU: Straight guy worries he’s being homophobic to gay roommate, realizes he’s fallen in love with him. (from tumblr)  
> http://gay-ships-are-yay-ships-phan.tumblr.com/post/146031227618/corpidicarta-is-anyone-writing-an-au-yet
> 
> Song title from “Girl Sailor” by The Shins  
> Chapter 1 title from “Know Your Onion!” by The Shins  
> Chapter 2 title from “New Slang” by The Shins  
> Chapter 3 title from “Caring Is Creepy” by The Shins  
> Chapter 4 title from “It’s Only Life” by The Shins  
> Chapter 5 title from “Mine’s Not A High Horse” by The Shins  
> Chapter 6 title from “Sea Legs” by The Shins  
> Chapter 7 title from “Saint Simon” by The Shins  
> Chapter 8 title from “Know Your Onion!” by The Shins
> 
> Warning for mild homophobia, panic attacks, mentions violence and attempted rape. These occur throughout the whole fic, but are very mild with little description.

That evening, John also dreamed.

John dreamed he was back in school with Alex. John was addicted to tic tacs in this dream so Alex filled his mailbox with them. Normally that would seem weird, but in this dream it seemed to John to be the most romantic thing ever.

John dreamed Alex showed up at his door with signs declaring his love for John.

John dreamed that Alex was upside down, hanging from monkey bars or something. John was standing on the ground right in front of him in his dream. It was a little awkward because of the hanging upside down, but they kissed. It wasn’t a super passionate kiss, but it was sweet and it left dream John wanting more.

That evening John dreamed of him and Alex together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! @gay-ships-are-yay-ships-phan  
> The movie references in this one were Juno, Love Actually, and Spiderman.


	8. The Selfless, Loving Saints We Are

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AU: Straight guy worries he’s being homophobic to gay roommate, realizes he’s fallen in love with him. (from tumblr)  
> http://gay-ships-are-yay-ships-phan.tumblr.com/post/146031227618/corpidicarta-is-anyone-writing-an-au-yet
> 
> Song title from “Girl Sailor” by The Shins  
> Chapter 1 title from “Know Your Onion!” by The Shins  
> Chapter 2 title from “New Slang” by The Shins  
> Chapter 3 title from “Caring Is Creepy” by The Shins  
> Chapter 4 title from “It’s Only Life” by The Shins  
> Chapter 5 title from “Mine’s Not A High Horse” by The Shins  
> Chapter 6 title from “Sea Legs” by The Shins  
> Chapter 7 title from “Saint Simon” by The Shins  
> Chapter 8 title from “Know Your Onion!” by The Shins
> 
> Warning for mild homophobia, panic attacks, mentions violence and attempted rape. These occur throughout the whole fic, but are very mild with little description.

When Alex woke up in his bed at nine the next morning he was a little surprised. He laid in John’s arms, much to his surprise.

That’s when he realized he is in love with John. He thought he was straight. He thought he was accidentally homophobic. Now he’s realized, he’s in love with John. It all made sense now.

A couple of minutes later, John stirred. As soon as he opened his eyes he saw who he was cuddling. 

 

Alex.

John started to get out of bed when he heard a groan come from Alex.

“Nooooo. Please come back it’s cold.” John sighed. He figured his roommate realized his mistake with his past actions. It would seem weird if John stayed mad at him. John wasn’t really that annoyed with Alex. The only reason he acted mad towards him was a cover. He couldn’t help his feelings for Alex, and those feelings were a lot easier to repress if you don’t ever see the person you are head over heels for. 

John slowly climbed back next to Alex, who hugged him tighter. They stayed like that for a while, Alex not really letting John leave, though it’s not like John was complaining. Slowly they progressed towards spooning. Alex became the big spoon, which John didn’t mind, due to the heat starting in his pajama bottoms. Lying next to your unrequited love interest might not be the best thing.

At around ten thirty Alex loosened his arms around John.

“I’m sorry.” Alex said in John’s ear.

“For what?” John questioned, looking back at Alex.

“The stuff I said the past month. I didn’t know what I was saying and I hadn’t realized…”

John looked back at him, confused.

“You didn’t realize what?” John asked now concerned on where this was going. Did Alex figure out that John liked him? Shit. Alex would kick him out, wouldn’t he?

“Nevermind it’s stupid.”

“No tell me. I wanna know.” John mumbled into the pillow.

Alex looked down like he was disappointed in himself.

“That I like you.”

John’s head perked up towards Alex.

“As in… you like me?”

Alex nodded, but he seemed ashamed.

John rolled over on his side to face Alex better and lifted his chin up to him.

Alex opened his eyes, the evident fear seemed to start to melt away.

John smiled and leaned in. Their lips touched. Alex was shocked at first, his roommate was kissing him! But he quickly melted into the kiss. In fact it was the most passionate kiss Alex had ever had the fortune of participating in. It seemed as if years of unknown love had built up to this moment for Alex, and John would have agreed.

Eventually their lips had to part. Damn oxygen. John and Alex smiled at each other, noses touching.

“So.” Alex started. “That happened.”

John laughed. Then proceeded to kiss Alex again. This time it was short and sweet, but there was no doubt that both of them enjoyed it.

When they parted, Alex looked deep into John’s eyes.

“Do you want to go out tonight, my dear Laurens?”

“Are you asking me out on a date?”

“Of course.”

“I think that sounds like a great plan.”  
As it turned out Alex did not have any problem with John kissing guys, as long as the guy he was kissing was Alex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Did you like the ending? I finally made a chapter that wasn't like 8 sentences long! @gay-ships-are-yay-ships-phan
> 
> Tell me if there are any AUs you want to see written, I did all of this in one day (though it is not much), and I need to practice writing more this summer.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! My tumblr is @gay-ships-are-yay-ships-phan  
> Tell me what you think!


End file.
